Banging my head against the wall

I've been attending my MCAT class for about a week now, and I am basically scared shitless. It has dawned upon me how my three years of education at Berkeley has done very little to prepare me for the MCAT. My brain gets fried every time coming out of class, and it's amazing how much stuff tested on the MCAT that I've never learned about before in my life. As a bio major, I thought I should be well prepared for at least the bio section, but umm...not really. The brain? Action potential? Neurons? Immuno? Wada? I am a cell and developmental bio major, I've never learned about that stuff. Were we suppose to learn this in bio1A? Crazyyy shittttt. Then there is general chemistry. I thought I knew my general chemistry. I did pretty well in Chem 1A. Then wow...I am so surprised how hard I am struggling with acid base chemistry. FREAKIN ACID BASE CHEMISTRY. adslfkajsdfda. SHIT DAMN. Okay, onto verbal. FUCKIN VERBAL. It sucks to be an immigrant I tell you. I struggled on the verbal for the SATs, and I am struggling now for the verbal on the MCAT. Like what the hell, is it just my English is bad or what? I can't seem to understand any of the passages!! This is all freakinggg meee outtttt!!! Like what the hell, I did really well in all my reading and composition classes in college, but I come out and can't understand articles from the New Yorker or the Economist? Something is not right here.

When I was in high school, I thought I was bright, definitely not the smartest, but maybe sorta kinda smart. Then when college hits, I realized that I wasn't really all that smart, I just worked really really hard. I worked my ass off in high school, and I pulled off on top because well, a lot of people are lazy in high school. I continue to work my ass off in college, but everyone works their ass off at Berkeley. The game got harder, and I simply became average, and sometimes....even below average :( For the A's and A+'s that I did manage to get, I literally worked my ass off until my butt had calluses from sitting for too long. When I compare myself to my friends, I realize that I have to work two times as hard as them to get the same grade.

I realize that I take a lot of time to study something. I take my time to ponder, to chew on concepts, to practice, to review, to really understand this stuff. Sometimes I get frustrated at my turtle crawling speed because I don't have all the time in the world. I wish I could. I squeeze and squeeze out as much time as I can, but we only have 24 hrs in a day, and I can only go so long on 5 hr energy drinks and 6 hrs of sleep. I just fuckin can't do it!

I am already devoting so much of my time right now to MCAT. I've drastically cut down my AIM usage, facebook usage, e-mail, TV watching, socializing. I basically have no life.

Here is what my day is like nowadays
9:30 AM-wake up
10:00AM-5:00PM at the library studying MCAT
5:00PM-7:00PM MCAT class
7:00PM-9:00PM eat/relax just a lil
9:00PM-10:00PM tutor
10:00PM-2:00AM study more MCAT

Even with this schedule, I am behind!! I feeling like I am running out of time! I feel like there are so many things I don't know and still need to master! I feel like I am going to go KRZYY!!! How the hell do people do it. How the hell do people do this during the school year?? OH I KNOW, CUZ THEY ARE FREAKIN GENIUSES!!

and I am not a genius.

I feel so overwhelmed and it is only the 1st week. I just hope and pray that eventually it will seem less like banging my head against the wall and that I'll actually start to improve. Oh please help me God.