Time of the year again

So today was pretty much the last day of school for me, and as the year comes to an end, it's that time again. The time where I reflect on things that happened this past semester, the good and the bad. It's kind of funny how I'm writing this right now at 2:20 am, and I'm like half drunk. I feel like i'm gonna black out soon, I'm starting to see black stripes. How bizarre, better finish this soon!

On academics
ohhh boyy...this was probably the shittest semester ever. I took completely the wrong classes. I mean hello? Asian American studies with a focus on politics and public policy? WADA? So out of my league, I don't think I know what is going on half of the time. Developmental biology? Wow....somehow I thought this was going to be an interesting and easy class, boy was I wrong. I got my self esteem crushed in that class. Below average on a midterm?? RLY? Now I just hope I don't get a C in that class. I'll be wiser next semester with my choice of classes.

On relationships
mmmm mmmmm...this one is really tough. This semester has been a little crazy with so many things going on, I don't think I can completely comprehend what has happened, but all I know is that I'm happy with the state that I am in right now. The semester started off very rough with the end of a long term and long distance relationship. I don't think I've been more hurt in my life, and I just couldn't take the retaliation, the back stabbing, the vengence. All I wanted to do was to bash you into pieces. I couldn't concentrate in my classes, and I just felt like crying all the time. It was probably the lowest point of my life. But you know, I am so happy that I had friends that were there to help me get through it all. Without you guys, I seriously don't know what I would do. I feel like I've grown and matured a lot from this experience. I've grown bigger, better, and a lot stronger. I am now aware of my emotional capabilities, my vulnerablities, my strengths. I can't believe you said that I'm emotionally unstable and that I need to see a doctor. FUCK YOU. You are the one who is emotionally dependent, insecure, clingy, and unstable. I don't hate you, but I hope you are doing alright and have matured and grown from this. I very much enjoy my freedom right now. The truth is, I don't want to be pulled down and pulled back by committing myself to a relationship. It is still way too early in my life. I am simply not ready. My philosophy is that a relationship is here for eternity, if there isn't going to be any commitment, then what is the point of getting into one? If I'm not ready, then why bother? I think I've had enough experience to know what I want. I think I know what I want, but I definitely don't need it right now. I have one more year in college, let's make this a good one.

On family
I am so happy that I've grown a lot closer to my family. I definitely appreciate them much more now that I don't see them as often. I hope my relationship with my parents can only get better

On future
I don't really want to think about it right now. The future is becoming more and more scary as I get closer and closer to graduation. Right now, college is in a way a safe haven. We don't have to really worry about money, the economy, jobs, family, etc. We are sheltered in our own little Berkeley world. I have a goal, I have a plan, I'm just going to do my best to go for it. If somehow I fall short, then so be it. I have come to the conclusion and acceptance that I am not always going to be the best. I have a plan B, and at least I won't regret and say that I didn't try hard enough. Its a tough life, a competitive life. Not everyone can be winners, and I guess I have to come to acceptance about that.

On work
ohhhhhhh I loveee my jobbbbb. I've absolutely loved every single teaching experience I've had the entire time in college. I've developed such a passion for teaching and education, I'm very excited to see where that would lead me.

On blogging
hehehehe, I'm glad that I'm picking up on blogging. It's definitley a good way for me to clear my head. It's a way for me to deal and organize things in my head. I find it very cathartic.

What can I say. I am happy.