My Choice My Burden

For a temporary moment, I found refugee. I found happiness and excitement, even if it was just a tiny glimpse, the most impalpable drop that left with the slightest tingle on my lips before it escaped. It was what kept me sane. It gave me something to look forward to every single day. It brought me out of this internal struggle that I've had for so long, and now I finally feel free, no longer held back or pulled down. I looked for you.

I looked for me. I find myself to always end up in the same situation. My life feels like a broken record sometimes that keeps on playing the same thing again and again. For once I thought maybe I'll play a better song. For once, it was a better a song, and like a song, it has an ending. Too bad that I can't put it on repeat.

My naivety, my stupidity, my personality, my character, my burden. They have become an inevitable part of me that I can not let go of. It is a burden because it is heavy, filled with years of personal experiences that I can't help but look back at once in awhile. It is heavy, it weighs me down, but I think I kind of like it. I rather carry it than to be empty handed.

And so with me, I carry your dreams and aspirations, I carry my false hopes, I carry my burden.