Injustice?

I think sometimes we don't realize how lucky we are to be students at Berkeley. We really do take it for granted. Yet just two blocks away from campus, at the Berkeley High School, there are hundreds of kids who probably will never have a shot at attending a school like UC Berkeley, or any other four year college as a matter of fact. Where is the justice in that? This is what I witness every single day ever since I started working at the High School as a math and science tutor. I love working with these students, but it is just so depressing sometimes. It is devastating to me that the future of these kids lie who knows where. I try to be as optimistic as I can when I am working with them, but the sad reality is, I know that they future is bleak.

What good can I really do? How much does my help really benefit them? Will my 2.5 hrs of tutoring every day turn their life around? I am always working with juniors and seniors who still have trouble solving a simple algebraic equation, who still don't know how to add and subtract negative numbers. As we go through the problems, I lead them step by step, I hold their hands, I guide them through so that we can eventually reach a solution. I put on a big ass smile, telling them good job, but deep down inside, I have this feeling that they won't be able to solve a similar problem on their own on a test. How do I teach someone how to graph a line when they don't know how to rewrite the equation into slope intercept form, when they don't know how to solve an equation, when they don't know how to deal with negative numbers, when they still have to use the calculator to just do 8+3? The problem stems back to the roots, before high school, before middle school, and even before elementary school. And why is it that these students are African Americans?

I've also worked with other kids who have an idea of how to do a problem. All they needed was maybe for me to lead them on the right track when they stray away. They can complete similar problems on their own, and I know that they are on the path to a great start. They dream of going to a UC, and I know for a fact that their dreams are within reach. Why is it that these kids are White?

At the end of each session, the students are always so grateful for my help. They even say that I teach better than their teachers, and that they will start to come everyday to my tutoring sessions. Hearing that makes me feel good, it makes me happy, but this is not about my ego. I am not there to help them so that I can feel good about myself, it is not about me, it is about them. I am glad that they think I am helpful, but how much difference can I really make just as a tutor? What does it say about the teachers at Berkeley High when the kids are saying that I teach better than someone with a teaching credential? The kids complain that their teachers don't teach them anything, just tell them to read the book and do the homework. Hmm...that sounds like college. BUT the difference is, these kids haven't established the self discipline needed to study and work on their own. This is not college where everyone is fully aware of the consequences of not working. Apparently the teachers also don't check homework for accuracy, so the students BS their homework all the time. Sure it's saving the teachers from having to read hundreds of homework every night, but aren't the teachers here for the students? What is wrong with this picture? How about hire a reader? Shitt, I'll work as a homework grader. How about just randomly pick 3 or 4 problems to check for accuracy so that the student will try their best on every single problem?

I think a major thing for these kids is that they have very little self confidence or motivation. But it must be so hard to have those things when there is barely any support figure in their lives. One student tells me that his teacher talks to him as if he's retarded. Like WTF? That is just so messed up. This is one of the reasons for their low self confidence. I think adults have already emphasized the importance of going to college to these kids, but the problem is, these kids don't know how to succeed or don't have the resources to help them succeed in their classes. Some of them have so much else going on in their life, stuff with family, friends, relationships, etc that it is just so hard to focus on school.

These kids realize and understand their situation because they express concerns about their future. They are worried, scared, feeling helpless, and some are quite emotional about it. There was one girl who is a senior at the high school. She is about to graduate, and she has no idea what to do. She wants to go to a UC, but she knows she has zero chance. Just listening to her makes me think about my own situation. As a senior at UC Berkeley, I am currently scared shitless regarding what I am going to do after I graduate. I fucked up my MCAT, I fucked up my GPA, I don't know what I am going to do with my life, but at least I am graduating with a B.A degree in MCB from Berkeley. This is how scared and worried I am right now, I just can't fathom how some of these kids are feeling. They are going to graduate from Berkeley High with no idea of what they are going to do, and barely any chance at going to college. I don't know what to say. It is the sad reality.

Man, I've always known and was aware about this inequality in education. I've always witnessed it, but I feel like it all just hit me SO HARD all of a sudden. I think a lot of people are aware of the inequality in education, but there simply isn't enough being done to fix this. The truth is, money and prestige does not come with becoming a teacher, especially becoming a teacher at high risk communities like the ones in the Bay Area. There is currently very little incentives for becoming a teacher. Sure people always say that they want to pursue a career so they can help people, but why do people always end up choosing to become a doctor? Or a lawyer? Or a professor? Sure these professions help others, but the difference between that and a teacher is the big cash stash and the prestige that comes with the package. Yet, do you ever question who you are REALLY helping as a doctor? or a lawyer? or a professor? As a doctor, you are helping people who can pay for your service. As a lawyer, you are helping people who can pay for your legal advice. As a professor, you are helping people who can afford and get into college. You are doing no other but contributing to this inequality. If there is no prestige or money associated with these professions, would you still do it? Of course there are many doctors and lawyers and professors who are out there to work with the underprivileged and underserved, but I'm just speaking generally.

This is the reason I love to teach. This is why I love to associate and interact with people that are ignored, shunned, and stigmitized by the rest of society. This is the reason why I thought about pursuing a career in teaching and to work for Teach For America. Yet my parents view that as a bad goal for me, that I will get killed teaching at high risk communities, that it will be a lost cause. It is mentalities like those of my parents that are the creator of this inequality and its persistence. Why not break down these social stereotypes?

I love what I do, and I am so fulfilled by every single second of it. Yet I am so torn between a teaching career and a career in medicine. Do they really have to be mutually exclusive? Is it possible to do both? If I choose to become a doctor, am I contradicting my own philosophy of combating inequality? Will I become a contributor of it? What will I choose in the end? Does money and prestige really matter that much? Does it really matter to me? Or does it only matter to my parents and the rest of the people that are in my life? But am I living my life for them? Or for me?

The question is, can I turn these kids' lives around? The answer is, I sure hope so.