As I realize that I will have my last Telebears ever next week, I am starting to have a life crisis. My life crisis also consists of a pre-med crisis that keeps on happening over again and again depending on what is going on in my life and my progress on the pre-med track, which by the way, I haven't really made much progress, sadly speaking. As of this moment, lots of thoughts have gone through my head, lots of worries, lots of confusion, and lots of insecurities. What am I going to do after I graduate? What are my chances of getting into medical school and actually becoming a doctor? Just thinking about these things are freaking me out and making me shit in my pants a little. Right now, I feel like I am trying to comfort myself by coming up with various plans as to what I can do in my 1 yr or 2 yrs off. Yet the plans somehow don't feel right, it seems like it is just a lot of plan B's for that one plan A.
Ever since my MCAT score was released, my parents said that it might be a good idea for me to start thinking about alternatives. But the truth is, there is nothing else that I rather do. Maybe at this moment, I don't know the answer to why I want to be a doctor, but I feel like there have been so many forces and events in my life that have changed me, shaped me, and motivated me towards this goal. I can't yet sum up the reason in a succinct essay, but hopefully soon I will. So no, I am not going to have a plan B.
I know my work ethics. There are times that I really don't care, but then there are those times that I care so fuckin much. I don't cry over B's anymore, that's because I've gotten use to it, I've accepted it, I've gotten over it. I don't get a second chance with my grades, so I am just going to do my best this semester and the next. I get a second chance with my MCAT, and I am damn well going to make the best out of it. I know my weaknesses, I know what I need to work on, I know what I can improve, and so yes I am going to work my ass off for it. Whatever it takes. However long it takes. Hopefully I will get to where I want to be eventually.
We all know shit happens right? But it can't happen all the time right?
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