Christmas

Christmas...Thanksgiving...holidays...I've gotten tired of them all. Tired and sick of celebrating days that really mean nothing. Days where we pretend to Americanize ourselves so that we can celebrate these American holidays. Days that only remind me of how my family tries way too hard to fit in. Days that only remind me of how my family is separated by the Pacific Ocean, and that through Skype is the only sense of connection that we ever get with our dad in China. It is these days where on our dinning table we have Costco premade roast beef and homemade chicken feet. It is these days where our formal dinning table gets used, and where my mom lights up these ridiculous chandelier candles trying to simulate "candlelight dinners," for just the three of us.... It is these days where we cook a turducken only to find it so dry that we have to dip it in homemade chinese spicy sauce in order to eat it...with chopsticks...It is these days that sometimes look pathetic, sometimes sad, sometimes happy, and sometimes quite funny.

Now that we have our own house, it seems as if we are one step closer to the all American family, or as close as we can be I guess. We now have a Christmas tree inside our house, and outside the house, we have flashing snowflakes and multicolored Christmas lights. Not to mention, we even have this ridiculous shiny gold metal angel statue thing....Who always gets decapitated whenever the wind blew too hard...talk about blasphemy...

I'm not trying to be bitter, aren't we all suppose to be jolly at this time of year? I guess all I'm saying is that I don't really care so much about these holidays and holiday traditions/rituals. My family isn't American, and we don't have to try so hard to be Americans. I don't really care. It just feels silly to try so hard to be someone we are not. I'm very happy to just simply be at home and hang out with my mom and sister, without all this holiday gibberish.

Then again, I guess I can't really complain and blame my mom. My mom is trying very hard to do all of this for my sister, to create this sense of family for her, however artificial it may be. To create a sense of normality, a sense of Americaness, a sense of ASSIMILATION. booyah. I think I'm done.

Merry Christmas Everyone!