Nervous

I am now officially a senior. Oh. My. God. I can't believe it. It felt like it was just yesterday when I first moved into the double in Griffiths Hall at Unit 2 and going up and down the floor meeting everyone. Now that I am a senior, I feel like the pressure is on. It is my last year to pull up my GPA, my last year to get close to some faculty members here at Berkeley, my last chance to get clinical experience, my last chance to fuckin prove myself. I think after this summer, and after putting all this time and effort, I've decided that I REALLY want to go to medical school. Now that I am finally set on this path, I feel like I need to sell my soul in order to get there. It doesn't matter what I like and don't like, I just have to do whatever that it takes to get there. It sucks, it really does. Why does it have to be so hard? I am so nervous and scared. I am worried that in the end all my effort is worth nothing...

Stuck

My friend and I were stranded in Mexico City airport for 12 hrs on our way back to the United States from Guatemala. Apparently I had no idea the lay over was 12 hrs long when I booked the flight, stupid me. The chairs at the airport were so awkwardly placed it was almost impossible to sleep. I took a nap with the chair arms stabbing into my chest and me curled up in a fetal position. The currency exchange place was closed, so we had no pesos to buy food, we were running out of water, and there was no water fountain. I was so relieved when I was able to connect to this ghetto ass internet at the airport, it was definitely making the entire ordeal a lot more bearable, despite the fact that the signal was extremely low and the speed was at a turtle crawling speed and it disconnected practically every 10 mins. Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse, the airport security guard came and kicked us out. Apparently we are not allowed in the waiting area at the gates between 1am and 4am. My friend and I were stranded with no place to go, no money for anything, it was pretty tragic. We wandered around the airport trying to figure out where we were suppose to go, but nobody spoke English, and my friend's Spanish was meager at best. Finally we decided to just sit on the ground by the baggage claim are like two hobos. My friend's water bottle was empty, and mine was almost empty, it was like we were in the freakin desert. He pulled out a bag of potato chips from his bag, looked at it longingly, and then put it back in his bag. Eating the chips would satiate our hunger for a little while, but it would hasten our dying thirst. What a dilemma. Somehow I found everything to be extremely hilarious, and I just sat there and laughed hysterically while my friend was having a little life crisis and looking totally defeated. The situation was pretty tragic and sad. After walking around the airport for around an hr, we finally found where we were suppose to be waiting for our connecting flight. Actual flight time took only 7 hrs, but with the lay over, it took us around 20 hrs to get back to the states. Krzy shit.

I will blog about Guatemala soon. So many things has happened, I feel like I have a lot to say, but I feel like I need time to collect my thoughts to make sense and meaning out of this experience.

Things I am glad to have back:
internet
hot showers
able to sit on the toilet without having to cover it in toilet paper first
drinking tap water
having ice in my drinks
getting seconds for meals
nice soft bed
clean clothes

Judgement Day

On Thursday, I will be taking the most important test of my life. I've invested my entire summer in preparing for this test, and at this point, I still feel uneasy. This journey has been so unusual. I've never felt so stupid or incompetent in my life, but there were definitely a few points in time where I felt like I was finally getting it. Even if I had all the time in the world, I don't think I can ever be fully ready for the test or be done with studying for the test, so I just have to go in there and do the best that I can.

I know that if all fails, I can take the test again in January, but I don't want to focus on that and therefore causing me to slack off. But I guess I do find some comfort in the idea, so that I don't put too much pressure on myself. I don't work too well under pressure.

At the back of my MCAT books, it says "if you study it, it will come!" I studied it, so please come, come to meeeeee!!!

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Let me be wonderfully surprised.