Sacrifices

I am currently trudging through mountainous amounts of MCAT materials once again. It really pains me to have to go through all of this again. Sometimes when you are stuck on something for so long, and it seems like you are making no progress, you lose hope, you lose motivation, and you lose sight of the bigger picture. I am very very stressed out right now, and school hasn't even started. Just thinking about how I only have 2 months til my test date and how little progress I have made so far really makes me shake and tremble. I don't know what to do. I really don't. I just want to sit here and cry, but what good would that do. I want to give up but I can't. I am so scared of my future prospects, and I have never been this scared ever about anything. This type of fear is like no other, it's not the kind of fear you have when you are walking in the dark alley ways all alone, it's not the kind of fear you have when you are about to jump out of a plane. Those fears seem so physical and tangent. You are scared to DIE, you are scared for your LIFE. Yet the fear that I am currently having right now is so much the opposite, it is not physical, it is intangible, and it is abstract. Why is it that everyone else is doing so much better than me. Why do I feel so incompetent?

When I first got my MCAT score, I was devastated for awhile, but then I was so determined, so determined that I will work and pull up my score. Where is that determination now? Where is that motivation now? I don't know. It is hiding somewhere and I better find it FAST.

I've come to realize that this will be my last attempt at the MCAT. I simply just cannot and could not take it again. And so I will have to make sacrifices, and sacrifices that I am willing to make to do what I have to do. I am not good at multitasking, some people are great at it, but I'm not. I get very overwhelmed, and so I need to prioritize and I need to let go of things. I need to make sacrifices.