Yeah, money is a bitch, as much as I don't want money to be a factor when it comes to making decisions, it ALWAYS is. I haven't had much luck in finding a job recently, and I am desperately in need of finding a job. I wasn't too worried at first because the post doc that I work with at research said I have a possibility of continuing in lab and work there as a lab tech. Well....after talking to the professor today, I think my chances are pretty much shot, all because I haven't taken immunology. FUCK...For once, I actually liked research, I actually liked working on something and seeing how it has the potential to apply to something greater. I was looking forward to continuing working in the lab and really get something out of it. I was actually excited. I wish I can stay as a student and continue working there, but even that has been denied. The dean won't grant me another semester or year. Now everything that I've done in the past four years comes back to haunt me. I regret staying in my previous lab for so long, when it was so apparent that I won't be getting much out of it. Now that I see how much potential there is at the lab that I'm currently working at, my time here at Berkeley is up. What a shame. It really is. Well, I guess that's life right?
As I was expressing concern for my job prospects to a friend today, our conversation just really really annoyed and irritated me. My friend is applying to med school this June, which means he will have a year off after graduation. When I asked him what he plans to do in terms of finding a job, he said that he's not too worried about it because his parents can support him. I guess I wasn't exactly bothered by that, but rather the way he expressed it. He said his parents make six figures already and they have no problem supporting him for a year. This is also coming from a guy that has never had a job ever in his life. After that, all I could think of was "what a spoiled little brat." Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Why does he even want to go to med school? Just so he can continue the family tradition of making 6 figures? Is that what is important? He says he has no idea what to write for his personal statement and why he wants to be a doctor. He felt like he hasn't gone through any hardships in life, that he's just always lived this privileged life and has never really experienced anything apart from that. Like god damn...isn't that the worst thing to complain about? Complaining about having too good of a life?? too much money? I don't know what to say to that.
I don't care how rich your family is, do you really want to rely on your parents for money after you graduate from college? What about independence and self sufficiency? So unattractive....
I use to blame my parents for everything, for putting me through so much shit, but you know, now that I think about it, if I haven't gone through those personal struggles, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I have come to appreciate those struggles. I feel like my diverse experiences have given me a different perspective on people and on life. I've lived and witnessed life like it is lived by the bottom billion, and that has helped me develop so much respect and compassion for those people. Too many times I've seen people living their privileged lives and looking down at people who do not live such lives; there is no respect, no compassion, just contempt and sometimes pity. The privileged see the others as helpless, hopeless, and needing help from the privileged.
As a pre-med, I feel like many of us doctor wannabes have a certain image or preconception of what doctors should be. We have the image of doctors swooping down like a super heros, saving the lives of the poor and sick one patient at a time. Thus we always hear the cliche answers of, "I want to be a doctor because I want to save lives and help the people who can't help themselves." Even though there is good intention, I just feel like there is something wrong with this phrase and image. Even with good intentions, the division of hierarchy is clearly present here. Who are the saviors? and who is being saved? Who are capable of saving? and who isn't? Who is powerful? and who is not? The answer to these questions are clear.
So as pre-meds and doctor hopefuls. What should we say? How can we distinguish ourselves in this world that is preoccupied with money and power, and how can we not contribute to the prejudices and injustice that runs so deep into the roots of humanity. What do we do? What should we think? Where do we go from here? Somebody help me answer these questions.
