Peace, Love, Ecstasy

I hold the little green pill in one sweaty palm and a bottle of water in the other. Through my four years of experience in college, I've learned my share of lessons. There is a difference in being reckless and being open minded. I was given the opportunity to try something new, and I took it. I was curious, and I wanted to satisfy my curiosity. The experience itself is a learning opportunity, and so why not learn from it. Doing so doesn't mean that I'm crazy, or that I'm stupid. Think whatever you will, but I am a responsible adult, and I can make my own decisions.

As we walked into the heated stadium that is Cow Palace, cigarette smoke clouded my vision. Nevertheless the intense flashing lights and laser beams peaked through, and the heavy electro beats surrounded the room. I grasped his hands and together we ran down to the center of the floor, where the mass of bodies congregated, moving simultaneously to the beats of the music. Despite the loud music, the heat, and sweat, I felt a sense of peace and euphoria. It was almost as if everyone there was on the same page, speaking the same language, moving the same way, and feeling the same way about our situation. It was some unspoken love that was simply understood. People would look at me and smile, and I would smile back. We didn't need to say anything to each other, it was all out there in the open.

I felt his hands interlock in mine as our bodies swayed and rocked to the music. I could feel his gentle breathe against my ears, and his hands running down from my sides and then gently resting upon my hips. I turned around and looked into his dilated eyes and I felt safe. I felt really really good, even though I've only known this guy for the past month. There was no doubt or fear in my mind what so ever; I knew he would take good care of me. I don't know if I've ever fallen in love before, maybe I have, maybe I have not, but whatever love feels like, maybe that was it. The feeling of complete trust and confidence in someone, and the complete comfort with such intimacy. The intimacy was not sexual or lustful, it was more like a mother gently touching her newborn or the level of intimacy shared between best friends. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. He grabbed my hands and I felt instant warmth radiating throughout my body. He squeezed my hands, massaged my shoulders, and my head. Every touch felt ten times more intense. I let my fingers and hands run wild. I touched everything, his hands, his hair, his sweaty skin, other people's hands, hair, and skin. I felt like I was a blind person on a treasure hunt, touching and feeling everything there was before me.

A few friends had light gloves and gave me a light show. That was intense. The LED lights on the gloves morphed together into a fluid strew of shapes, pulsating along with the music. The lights seemed to remain in air for a few seconds even after his hands had moved away, and I can feel my eyes flicker out of control.

Just like that, I spent nine hours of my life in a state of ecstasy. It was a feeling that I've never felt before, and I treasured every single second of it. Now the question is, how much of the feeling that I felt for you that night was real?